Have You Seen My Jacket?

I think that prick Reggie stole it. He's always stealing my shit after I pass out at parties. Over the weekend, we both went to Dirtbike's bon voyage party and we both had way too many pulls off the old Hypnotiq bottle. Plus, I may or may not have smoked a bong made out of an owl's skull. The jury's still out on that one. Anyway, I do remember wearing my UNLV jacket to the party, as it's always a real pussy magnet. And I'm pretty sure I was still wearing it after I fell down that flight of stairs and passed out in my own piss on the landing.

All I can say is that any dude that's willing to pry a UNLV jean jacket off a dude that's so fucked up that he fell down a flight of stairs and passed out in his own piss is a real jerkoff. We're talking professional-grade here. The Ford F-150 of dickwipes.

Reggie, if you're reading this, be ready. I'm gonna come after you with the force of fifteen falcons and make you wish you'd just stayed home and watched the Bonus Features from Airwolf: Season One instead.