Bums Learn Life Lessons From 1780's French Peasant

I was driving home the other day from a very exhilarating game of frolf, frisbee golf. I thought I'd fit one more game into the season. I'm so glad I went out because I hit an albatross (that's a double eagle for you weak-kneed, regular golfers) on the third hole and beat my best total score ever. So, like I was saying, I'm driving home and I notice a bum sprawled out against a building on the corner of Montrose and Ashland. Huh? Generally, bums aren't seen this far north of the Loop. This was no classy Loop bum either. He was all grizzley. He looked like Zack Galifianakis dressing up as Jerry Baskin, Nick Nolte's character in "Down and Out In Beverly Hills".

Since the Thanksgiving spirit has been with me all week, I thought to myself, "Thank Jesus Christ in Heaven I'm not a fucking bum like that guy." You know? We have to be thankful for all that we have. So, when you see someone less fortunate than you you really should be giving thanks (especially durning Thanksgiving week) for not being like that pathetic wreck.

I started thinking about what his Thanksgiving dinner would be like. He might not even have any turducken scraps this year with the economy and everything. And that got me thinking about how American bums don't have any qualms about eating garbage out of dumpsters.

Then, I got to thinking about those stupid, uppity French peasant bastards again. The French peasants of the 1780's were real d-bags. At the time, an El Nino cycle caused a little ice age and destoyed many crops, which led to a grain shortage and an escalation on the price of bread. As we learned from the dirty Irishman of the 19th century, potatos are more resilient in cold weather. Unlike the dirty Irish of the 19th century, however, potatos were in abundance for the 1780's frog. But, these stinky frogs refused to eat the potato because "potatos were dirty food." If they just ate the f-in' potato, they would have lived. Instead, these too-good-for-potato frogs died! YOU'RE A DIRTY PEASANT! EAT THE DIRTY FOOD AND LIVE!

In this age where we barely learn from history, I can't help but applaud the American bum for learning a hard lesson from the stinky French.