Fango at the Flix: Baby Boom

So I’m getting my make out on with this chick who works at Sunglass Hut when my attention is moved to the feature film, Baby Boom, starring that broad from The Godfather and Look Who’s Talking Now. She plays a business woman by the name of J.C. who is known in the business world as the ‘Tiger Lady’ for her ruthless business reputation. She has it all: a killer bod, a thriving relationship with Egon from Ghostbusters, and a key to the executive shit house. She’s about to get promoted when it seems that things will be getting even better for her – she is going to inherit something from a cousin who hails from the exotic land of Great Britain. What is the inheritance you may ask? A million samolians? A Dodge Viper? No, a cute little dickead of a baby girl, named Elizabeth - no doubt after the limey-broad figurehead.

This is where the plot really hooked the Fang. That half a fag Egon Spangler walks out on J.C when the baby turns out to be too much of a commitment. I mean, the kid wasn’t even hers. I would be more concerned about a baby’s head wearin’ out the goods than anything. Anyways, this baby comes into the picture and starts fuckin’ everything up and next thing you know, J. C. loses a partnership that she spent years kickin’ corporate dicks to get. Long story short, that slimy turd from Pretty in Pink swoops in and makes J.C.’s ill-fated domesticity complete. She loses her job completely and ends up in a country house in Vermont schleppin’ apples n’ shit.

By the end of the second act, I wasn’t even thinking about the Sunglass cooze. What’s to become of J.C., the money hungry tigress with the heart of gold? Spoiler alert! J. C. takes apples and makes apple sauce. That is, the business savvy heroine realizes that she can exploit her daughter’s taste and market mashed up apples and get to the top of the business food chain once again. Owning a debt to the little crap monkey that seemingly ruined her life. Oh, I almost forgot, she ends up with that one dude from Steel Magnolias and they fuck. Moral? Broads is better at broad stuff like applesauce. It would have been nice to see some cans but nonetheless, I give Baby Boom 3 Camaros.